Following Devotion caring bed ridden parents without oscillation!
Questions from Two Girl devotees (Names hidden):
(1)
“Hare Krishna Prabhuji. I am very happy to read your posts. I am trying my best to follow them, but, I can’t follow because of my problems. My mother is suddenly bed ridden and she needs my direct support even to eat. I and my elder sister are supporting her. I quit my job and help my mother. I don’t know when she will recover. I can’t think anything except mother now. I am weary of my future also. I chant some times andnthen stop. I am showing as devotee outside, but, I am not following Krishna Conssciousness. My inability to follow Krishna Consciousness seriously make me guilty. So, I am living with guilt. Though I want to follow, because of my situations and disturbed mind, I am unable to concentrate in Krishna and I drop the sadhanas. Since I am left alone struggling, how can I concentrate in devotion? I am facing problems one by one in this young age itself. In this situation, what should I do to solve all my problems? How can I get a taste in devotion in this helpless situation? Please guide me.”
(2)
“Hare Krishna prabuji. I am ………………. from ………………….. I completed my post graduation. I am a struggling devotee. From my childhood I never wanted money, house or anything else. I just wanted to do service for elders and poor. But when I knew about krishna consciousness i started thinking about what is the purpose of my life and started practicing krishna consciousness. Unfortunately my parents health is not good.i have two sisters.one sister got married and another sister does not want to marry. She does not like krishna consciousness. My father and mother both are in bed. I am taking care of them like cleaning , changing diapers, providing food etc. I am totally engaged in their service and i am unable to chant and perform any rituals to Krishna. I have lost interest in everything as i am facing so many problems and seeing my parents in bed. I don’t want to Marry. I wanted to take care of my parents until their last breath and I will earn job and live my entire life with Krishna. Please suggest me how to practice my devotion towards lord and how to offer my love and service towards lord. Thank you prabhuji”
REPLY:
Both of you are the genuine and humble girls who accept your weakness and inability first.
I have seen some devotees who hide their true face. But, you both are genuinely accepting that you are not following devotional way of life properly because of following Devotion caring bed ridden parents.
But, this inability is not a crime. You will never be punished for that.
(Are Manthras containing beneficial prayers against Nishkam Bhakti? READ HERE!)
How?
You have good brain and you studied well.
You remain a sincere girl for your parents.
You are leading a responsible life.
You quit even your job to take care of mother.
You are good looking girls who do not misuse it indecently.
Above all, you wish to follow devotion, but, you are not able to follow. This desire and feel of guilt itself is a show of your goodness.
Now, You are fighting between Krishna and material life by following Devotion caring bed ridden parents with oscillation!
This is what all of us are doing. Many others may not accept that they are still fighting with maya in a fear that others will think of him as a weak devotee. So, to show themselves as a big devotees, they will show themselves as if having conquered maya.
But, the reality is – about 99% of the people are still in the fighting stage. It will be even more than that in fractions. Only a few would have crossed that stage.
So, you are not a pretender. You too are on the way to Krishna because your heart is filled with the desire to follow devotion.
Compared to those who are pretending to be sincere, you, who is openly fighting to be a devotee as well as an obedient girl for family, is better.
The sadhanas are the practice tests that are recommended for the new comers just to enhance love on Krishna.
If a person is able to show abundant love for Krishna naturally, the sadhanas are not the practice tests, but, just the penances and they can be done whenever it is possible for you.
Those who had followed devotion sincerely in the previous life and died in the middle, will take birth with the ability and ease to show natural love for Krishna even without any sadhanas.
So, don’t feel guilt for not being able to follow the devotional practices properly.
Am I supporting quitting the devotional practices in your case?
Not so. I just tell that you need not confuse with more sadhanas now in this very unfortunate situation.
You are not an initiated girl. You are young and spending all the time to take care of mother/ parents who are bed ridden and who need your support for their every need. You are also not sure what will happen to them and when they will become fit to manage themselves. It is an unclear picture.
(Finding Match for marriage Satisfying both Parents and Krishna! Tips! READ HERE!)
In this stage, your heart will be crying because of being unable to go to job also like many other girls.
In addition to them, being young girls, you will have some hidden dreams meant for normal young girls and your current situation may frighten you whether you can fulfil those dreams in the right age and right manner.
Your friends will be leading a different life with the enjoyments. But, you are in a situation following Devotion caring bed ridden parents.
All these feelings will be frustrating you and hence you may not have an initiative to take the chanting beads and chant. Even if you take the chanting beads, the frustrating thoughts will dominate.
The ‘feeling’ of being an unfortunate person never allows us to do anything.
You have all credits as listed in the beginning of this reply. So, you are not inferior and you are going to be a gift for someone who is going to thank God for having got you.
So, no need for frustrations.
Since you both are not yet initiated, just chant only as many rounds as possible every day. Don’t chant more with so much of difficulties. Just chant just a few rounds with love and sincerity.
Just offer some fruits to Krishna every day at any time possible for you. If possible, offer simple food that you cook for your family.
However, you may have to prepare some food items for the family.
Since you are already humble girls, no mention is required about regulative principles. You are fit in that aspect, it seems.
(Parents (or) Krishna – Whom Should the Girls and boys Prefer To Serve? READ HERE!)
That’s all. You need just a few minutes a day to follow possible chanting and offering food.
Whenever possible, you can read the scriptures and also read out for your mother/ parents. It will benefit them too.
You can do this in any situation. This will help you to keep you in touch with Krishna.
Don’t see the practices of other & advanced devotees now. It will frustrate you more.
If you read advanced concepts and advices, just read them and keep them to follow in future whenever you become free.
Don’t feel guilty for not following those advanced sadhanas.
You have a major task – immediate task of giving direct support to your mother/ parents. Do that sincerely. Side by side, read about Krishna and also generally useful articles.
Don’t rush to be a perfect sadhana devotee now itself. The situation is different for everyone. One has to customize his/ her plans according to his/ her family conditions.
Just spend these 8 minutes for Krishna exclusively.
Other times, concentrate in your duties that are pressing you immediately keeping the desire to serve Krishna in future in mind.
You need not be an advanced devotee allowing your mother/ parents to suffer because they have no other persons to help her directly. Only the women can do those supporting duties to the mother.
You may not be able to fly like others. Don’t worry. Nothing is lost because it is not the way of life. This life is serious. In the middle, we will have some pleasures with family, friends, etc. That’s all.
(Can a devotee get Krishna and Radharani as Parents in Goloka also? READ HERE!)
You may not be able to go to job. Its alright. Your family is supported by father now. You can earn again when you become free from mother or after marriage.
You may not be able to remain in the company of friends. Nothing is lost. They are going to go on their own route once they get married.
Only you will remain in future along with your husband and child.
These things are just temporary. This too will change. Wait.
Now, let me suggest some steps that can be taken by you:
(1) If the physical inability to your mother/parents seem to be long lasting, you need not sit with her all the time. You can go and earn. If you get a maid from neighbouring areas who need financial support, you can engage her to help your mother/parents. You can start going to the job. You will be taking good care before 9 AM and after 7 PM. In the day time, the maid will take care of mother. If possible, your sister may also help mother. If she is also willing to go to the job, she too can go. So, first find a good maid or nurse. This will reduce your load. You can also go outside for some relaxing moments.
(2) If your mother’s/ parents’ recovery is delayed but the sister is nearing the marriage time, she can marry. You can take care of mother along with the maid.
(3) If your mother’s/ parents’ recovery is achieved, you can marry and start a new life and then follow devotion seriously. If possible marry a Krishna devotee, or atleast a God fearing boy. Both of you can start to follow devotion later. No hurry.
(4) If your mother’s/ parents’ recovery is delayed, but, you are crossing the marriage age, marry a boy in the same city and either keep your home near your present home or take your mother and father to a nearby home where your husband’s family is living. Again you can continue to take care of mother.
(5) A boy would have taken birth for you and he is living somewhere else. So, he will marry you and you too will see all the sides of this life. Be hopeful.
(Why don’t you recommend to us which Diksha Guru to choose in ISKCON? READ HERE!)
(6) Don’t allow the frustration to suppress you and don’t decide not to marry. If you get a good boy (though not a serious devotee), marry him and take care of mother with his and maid’s support.
Yes, Following Devotion caring bed ridden parents is certainly difficult. Never confuse your life and Krishna Consciousness in this present moment. Now, just spend a few minutes for sadhanas. When the clouds are clear in future, dedicate more time and attention towards Krishna.
Since you are in your twenties or thirties now, you have plenty of time to take up serious devotion. Parikshit Maharaj got Vaikunta within seven days of hearing Bhagavatham. He started in the last seven days of his life.
Now, you have a great and pressing duty to take care of your ailing mother/ parents. I know that difficulty because I too was struggling with my aged mother and sacrificed my pleasures to keep her in good status.
That is why, now, I am free from guilty and I fell happy that I did my duty as a son properly.
Now, I sleep in the night well without guilt.
Thus, just keep Krishna in the heart and continue your duties to mother/ parents. Arrange for marriage of sister and you too marry in the possible age. At the same time, as said above, take the arrangements for caring your mother depending on her level of recovery.
Till you finish these pressing duties, spend just a few minutes for the sadhanas for Krishna. When you are free from such unavoidable duties, start to follow devotional practices seriously.
(Courses and Exams for initiations (Diksha) in ISKCON for different levels! READ HERE!)
You are not required to go for diksha at this moment and you have time to come to that stage in future. You can take diksha if necessary after years. Because there are hundreds of devotees struggling with guilt after taking diksha before they are mentally and physically ready. Don’t do that mistake.
Just be in touch with Krishna now and do your duties. Time will come and Krishna will make you a serious devotee. Don’t feel guilty for that right now.
You are remaining a good and responsible daughter right now. That is enough. Krishna will understand you and wait for you to become a serious and fully dedicated devotee.
In fact, He will help you to successfully fight with maya in right time.
Let the clouds move away. The sky will become clear.
Be hopeful and cheerful till that time.
Hope you are now clear about following Devotion caring bed ridden parents!
(Daughter or Son – who is responsible to protect the parents to avoid karma? READ HERE!)