Spiritual tips to deal if others show no gratitude though we help them?

Spiritual tips to deal if others show no gratitude though we help them?

A male devotee (Name hidden) asked like this:

“Hare Krishna Prabhu..my humble obeisance to u… thanq for all your counsellings…I changed alot n learned alot iam wiping out all my negatives day by day…u r saving so many materialistic persons like me..thanq very much..prabhu I have 1 problem…plz reply whenever you are free if u feel that it is not urgent…if I have some work and at the same time if others ask me for help..I’m not able to help sometimes.. due to that I feel guilt and bad for not doing help…I also feel so depressed..ok now if I do the help..some people are taking advantage of that and asking the help everytime without putting thier efforts and making me burden even some close friends n close relatives do that…I don’t know what to reply whether to say yes or no..i cannot say no to them as they are close friends and are close relatives..and if I say no to them I fear that in future they may not help me if Im in critical position as I did not do help now..I also fear about thier talking of bad about me as I didn’t help them.. whenever I got this situation I feel severly frustrated always and either I do d help silently by sacrificing my work by saying good words to myself or I will tell a lie to escape from the situation even if I have no work..and again for that lie and helplessness I again feel guilty and depressed. I’m not able to satisfy all n I feel the burden n frustration if any thing happens like this.. n I have the problem of hesitation to tell the exact point to anybody in the fear of what others may think of me.. i feel like hell n plz guide me prabhu.. how to deal with this type of situations..how to tell the exact point with out hesitation n softly without hurting others..n how to come out of this frustration…thanq prabhuji hare Krishna…”

REPLY:

This is natural in this selfish kaliyuga.

You can’t expect gratitude from all the people now a days.

You will be sought your help and support. But, they will not actually feel how important it is.

I know a boy. His father gave his son normal education in a government aided private school that is popular as a school for middle class people. He admitted his daughter in a girls school that is popular for its quality of education. Though the fee is more in that school, she got admission for a very less fee since she had got state level rank in her tenth standard board exams.

Now, the girl is married and settled in the U.S. The boy too studied Engineering and got very good job in a popular IT company.

Now, he very often accuses his father that he too would have been in the U.S had the father admitted him in a still better school.

The girl got admitted in that popular school for her ranks. He got that school for his marks. What can the father do?

Now, the son is accusing his father in his old age.

This is the nature of today’s people.

Many people do not even show their gratitude for their parents for all they have done so far by giving good and safe shelter, food, clothes, education, etc.

Some children fly away with a boy or girl if they fall in love, forgetting all the support given by the parents till their age of 20-25.

Their new companion becomes important to them.

When we help others, we should not expect that they should reciprocate it. If we expect reciprocation or gratitude, we will not get it from all. Only a few will show them.

And, help means, doing without expectations. If we expect, it is a deal, not a help.

However, there is a karma based explanation for this matter:

TRANSFER OF KARMA IN HELPING OTHERS

I am going to tell a major secret in the karma theory.

The following few lines are meant for those who help with expectations:

When we help genuine people WITH SOME EXPECTATIONS, they accept part of our bad karma. We accept part of their good karma. So, our problems come down.

When we help wrong people WITH SOME EXPECTATIONS, we accept new bad karma of helping the sinner to continue his sinful acts. Simultaneously, they acquire new bad karma for cheating a good person.

How this happens?

Good people in genuine needs have more space and strength to receive our bad karma.

When we help a wrong person, we help them to do more wrong things. So, we are acquiring new bad karma.

When we help a good person, we help him to do more good things. So, we share the good karma from their good activities.

That is why, scriptures advise us to help anyone only after evaluating whether he is doing good activities or not.

Krishna Himself tells in Garuda Purana that one should donate only to the good brahmanas who use our support for good activities. If we donate to a Brahmana having bad motives and activities, that help will have no effect.

HOW TO AVOID KARMA TRANSFER EVEN IN MATERIAL HELPS?

Yes. There is a way. Though it is difficult, there is a way. Help like a machine that has no feelings. Simple.

Follow this:

IF WE HELP A GENUINELY NEEDED PERSON NISHKAM, ie, WITHOUT EXPECTING ANY FRUITS OR HONOURS, NO KARMA TRANSFER HAPPENS. KARMA TRANSFER HAPPENS ONLY WHEN WE ‘MATERIALLY’ HELP OTHERS WITH EXPECTATIONS OF BENEFITS OR HONOURS.

HELPING FOR DEVOTIONAL SERVICE

Let us take our Devotional Service as an example.

All of you know well that our site is changing the lives of thousands of people making them devotees or helping them to be in touch with Krishna. It is a very auspicious and devotional activity.

So, the supporters of this devotional service share the blessings of the Lord that I receive. So, their bad karma comes down and I accept their bad karma for preventing them from doing sinful acts. I am vigorously chanting for clearing my accumulated karma.

How bad karma is transferred to me? You know well that there may even be some followers of negative attitude who is having wrong activities. Still they are benefited by our sites. This adds karma to me.

However, to serve good, suffering and even the sinful people, the gurus and also the preachers like me chant vigorously to nullify our acquired karma.

So, actually, the audience of our sites should seethe gurus and the preachers like me mercifully.

Does it happen in all cases?

No. Not all the followers realize this secret that I too am suffering because of this service. They see it as my duty and I am doing this just for popularity.

Though we consider it as done for popularity as said by them, how can they refuse that I am adding karma out of this activity?

So, whether it is done as a service or for popularity, helping others adds either good or bad karma to us. How?

MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL HELP – DIFFERENCE

(a) MATERIAL SUPPORT or HELP:
 
If you support good people, you get their good karma and they get your bad karma. If you support the people of bad motives and activities, you acquire new bad karma of helping a criminal to continue his criminal activities.
 
If we help for good people, we add good karma from them and they add bad karma from us. When we help for wrong people, we add bad karma of making their sinful activities grow. 
 
(b) SUPPORT FOR DEVOTIONAL SERVICES:
 

If the recipient is a devotee and you are supporting him for his devotional service, the blessings of Lord is also shared to you in addition to his good karma. So, you advance fast in devotional service. I have heard many devotees telling me that they feel closer to Krishna after supporting our services. This is the evidence THAT THEY ARE RECEIVING THE MERCY OF THE LORD BY SUPPORTING DEVOTIONAL SERVICE BY OUR SITES.

So, it is clear that I , as a preacher is adding both good and bad karma from others.

But, when I accept any support from them, it reduces my SHARE of blessings because I am allowing them to share the blessings as partners in this service through their support.

So, the supporters too receive, ie, share the blessings of the Lord shown to our service.

However, there may be a few, even elders who see it otherwise when I receive support from others and treat me greedy.

Interestingly, even when I appreciate the supporters in our site,  a few material minded persons become furious since I support others also.

They simply forget that I am receiving a part of their karma and also sharing the blessings of Lord with others when I accept support from others. How can I fail to appreciate those who share my burden to run this service by sparing a part of their hard earned money? If I do not appreciate them, I am a person of no gratitude.

Simply forgetting this, they see anything negatively.

Keeping such scenario of kaliyuga in mind, I keep the dignity and privacy of the supporters and I appreciate them privately because they should not be harassed by wrong people and they should not be approached by the persons of wrong motive to cheat them.

But, I am automatically and silently transferring the blessings of Lord received by me to them. Thus, even the preachers who are involved in the service of Lord receive the bad karma of the followers.  In the same way, a guru who is reforming a disciple receive his karma and suffer.

Though there are a few who thinks otherwise, I am continuing this service because a small number of kind and good hearted followers who truly wish to reform themselves in their life by following devotion and by supporting our efforts to enlighten thousands of devotees.

If I expect appreciation and support from every follower of this service, I can’t do this service at all. I will be tensed and stop this service.

So, I myself is running this service without expecting any personal benefits or respects or worship. I just do this as a service to the Lord and I give opportunity for others to share the benefits from Krishna out of this auspicious service by supporting it to their level possible and only if they are able to support. Thus, I reduce my own received blessings and share them with others.

This is the secret behind accepting the support from others. If anyone thinks otherwise, of course, they add karma for thinking so about a good service to the Lord.

If this is the situation even for a sincere service to the Lord, the points mentioned by you is very normal that reflects the mindset of the present society.

In your case, I will not advise you to help only the persons who will show gratitude. My only advice to you is to help only the genuinely needy people without any material expectations. This will invite the blessings of the Lord.

What is meant by genuinely needy people?

They have no servants nearby to help. They have no money for treatment. They are truly suffering in life.

But, you can’t change the fate of every person. But, if they seek your help, see whether they have people to support them and you are not CLEVERLY USED by them for their comforts.

If you help a person who has a grown up son, by going to ration shop, it is your fault. They have a son. They can send him. If they send you, that means, they are misusing your innocence.

If you help a person who faced accident, it is genuine though he is a sinner because you can’t access his credentials and he needs immediate support. If you help a person who have good health and wealth, it is your fault.

As said already somewhere, I always give material help only those who have no vision, no clear brain (mentally challenged), and old people who can’t work and who were deserted by their children or relatives. Since I do that nishkam, ie, without expecting benefits back, I do not add any karma.

And, I support for the devotional service and use a part of my earning for that. This is to get the mercy of Krishna.

I never help anyone if he already has one or more people to help him. It is waste of time and resources and we give opportunity for them to use our innocence.

If any visually or mentally challenged person seeks my help, I do not calculate. I help them liberally and never think of or feel proud of having helped them. So, I do not receive any karma from them.

AGAIN I TELL:

IF WE HELP A GENUINELY NEEDED PERSON NISHKAM, ie, WITHOUT EXPECTING ANY FRUITS OR HONOURS, NO KARMA TRANSFER HAPPENS. KARMA TRANSFER HAPPENS ONLY WHEN WE ‘MATERIALLY’ HELP OTHERS WITH EXPECTATIONS OF BENEFITS OR HONOURS.

If anyone cleverly pretends to you as if he genuinely needs your help and if you support him, he will receive the bad karma of cheating a good person. So, you need not bother about the pretenders. However, TAKE SOME EFFORTS FOR EVALUATING HIS GENUINE BACKGROUND TO YOUR BEST.

Blindly helping others without evaluating why he seeks our help is not advisable in this kaliyuga, though they are your relatives.

After helping this way to the right people, do not evaluate it and forget it. Do not carry it in your mind. Do not expect anything back from them.

If others seek your help, gently tell them that you have some other assignments to do. Do not bother if such clever people desert you for not helping them. Such clever people will not help you in future. Don’t worry.

Learn to say NO to unwanted persons and situations. It is also an art.

It is always better to teach others how to catch the fish, instead of giving them the fish again and again. They will be getting and become lazy. So, help a person once or twice and guide them to come out of their situation. This is the real help we do for others.

This is the only way for peace in this kaliyuga.

WHAT DESIRE A DEVOTEE SHOULD HAVE?

YOUR DESIRE SHOULD BE FAVOURABLE TO GO BACK TO KRISHNA.  You  can support the devotional services with the expectation of the MERCY of Krishna to you to serve Him better. This is the BEST DESIRE expected from the devotees who like to advance in devotion. Krishna will alter the life of that devotee as comfortable to follow devotion still better.  Such genuine desire targeting Krishna is permissible.

If a desire will pull you back from your devotion to Krishna, you should avoid that. Expecting favour for our help adds karma to us. So, we should avoid that.

Follow these three:

(1) Helping the needy people without expectations (Nishkam),  (2) Performing our assigned duties without attachments  and (3) serving Krishna and helping those who serve Krishna.

Your life will be meaningful and such a life will not pull you back from your devotion to Krishna.

Help the devotional services to the Lord. It is always protected from karma and you receive the blessings of the Lord.

Hope this helps you.

Author: RAJAN

RAJAN from Tamil Nadu, India, has decades of association with the devotees of Krishna. He is promoting many sites and he promotes this blog-website as an E-SATHSANGHA (E-FORUM) to give Spiritual Solutions for all the Material Problems faced by the devotees! In this site, he writes the friendly and practical tips for the practice of devotion (i) without hurting the followers of other paths, (ii) without affecting the personal and career life, and (iii) without the blind, superstitious and ritualistic approach! He has been counselling through social media and websites since the year 2011. His services are guiding more than 1,20,000 serious followers and lakhs of visiting readers! RAJAN accepts no credits for his services but dedicates all the credits to Krishna.

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