I get angry while chanting when Krishna does not favor me. What to do?
A woman devotee who requested anonymity asked like this:
“Hare Krishna, Prabhu…. I have read your articles and felt that I too can get few replies to my problems, from You. I want to know why I become emotional while chanting Hari nam, or listening to His stories, singing bhajans, or listening to His bhajans/kirtans. Literally I start crying… And sometimes it also happens, that I get too much angry upon Him when something goes wrong and then cry again. Am I going wrong somewhere? Please help .. And Thank You ! (I want to remain anonymous)”
Nice to note that you follow chanting, but, you need some modifications in your consciousness. You should have full faith in Krishna while chanting.
(Also read HERE: I am disturbed by NEGATIVE THOUGHTS while chanting. What to do?)
Am I saying that you lack in that faith?
Yes… You are deficient in trusting the Lord fully.
I was happy when I read the first few lines of your message thinking that this devotee loves Krishna too much and that is why, she cries in ecstasy while chanting and singing. But, when I read further, I thought that your love on Lord seems to be CONDITIONAL.
Why I am telling like this? Because, you become angry when the Lord does not give anything expected by you. This means that you have no full trust that Krishna will never give something for His devotees IF IT WILL HARM THEM.
So, you expect that Krishna should give whatever you want and He should not say NO. If He says NO, you become angry.
Or, if the things go in the life against your expectations, you get angry and tension.
(Is it possible to live without expectations in life? Read HERE.)
This is wrong on your part. This is NOT PURE LOVE. This is called conditional love.
If your husband says “Dear, I love you so much. However, whatever I say, you should never refuse to do, even if I ask you to eat a cockroach”, how will you feel?
Will you do if he says you to eat a cockroach?
You will say NO only because, now a days, no one likes to get the love of someone by eating a cockroach. So, all the wishes of others can not be fulfilled by a person.
So, a devotee should not expect that Krishna SHOULD DO ‘this’ or ‘that’. They even have no need to pray to Krishna for their needs. Krishna is within your heart as Paramathma. So, He is watching what you do, what your problems are, etc. So, He will automatically do whichever is good to you. He will refuse which will do harm to your life.
If you pray for a rascal to be your husband without knowing he is a rascal, how Krishna will give? Because He knows everything. How will Krishna like to connect you with a rascal? So, He will separate you from him.
So, just perform your devotional practices as advised by acharyas. Love Krishna without any expectations. Respect other vaishnavas (Know who are called vaishnavas HERE). Be balanced, non-violent and moderate in your character.
If you expect, you get angry when you do not get what you expect. So, chanting with expectations is the initial stage. You should come to the next stage.
(Will your offensive chanting be effective? Read HERE.)
That’s all. Don’t worry about other things.
Accept whatever happens in life as Lord’s mercy.
Chant with the full faith that you are speaking to Krishna through chanting and Krishna is hearing you. Also believe that Krishna will approve whatever you need for elevation in due course of time.
If you have this faith, you will not become angry while chanting.
(ALSO READ THIS INTERESTING POST HERE: 32 WAYS OF HOW NOT TO CHANT!)